I wish I could stifle the fury that beats feverishly through me. But this feeling is uncontrollable. It runs in the family, dormant in our blood. Isn’t it ironic, then, that this monster is constantly awakened only by family? It’s as if all our individual monsters cannot be kept tame in the presence of any other.
I am angry and empathetic all at once. It often feels as though I’m the only one that is tortured within by rage at my family around me and at myself because I understand Their reasons behind Their actions and still I am surprised. Does no one else understand both sides as I do? Must I be the only one?
I am filled with so much hate toward my family because They can’t change Their ways, Their minds, Their preconceived notions, Their habits. They are stubborn and hurtful whether They realize it or not. I hate so much that They can’t get past their old generation ways of thinking, that They can’t think for a few seconds of their opponents points and reasons. I hate that They don’t understand how deeply Their words and actions can hurt.
And yet, I understand Them all too well. Habits practiced for as many years as Theirs become habits that are hard to escape from. Their minds are molded to think a certain way and react in certain ways. They did not learn to analyze and understand those around them, instead They practice the mantra “What I say goes”. It is the older generations’ mindsets to continue to follow the “I am older, therefore, I know better” whether it be true or not. I understand that They can’t help Their way of thinking, it’s just how they were raised. I understand They will not give in to anything so there is no point in fighting back.

I want to fight back anyways.

It’s not right to let Them get their way just because they’re older. It’s unacceptable that They are allowed to be enraged when someone crosses Them while the opposite scenario would be extremely intolerable.

They all have it backwards anyways.

Age and Wisdom don’t go hand in hand enough to justify anyone saying that They know better than someone with less years in life. It’s about Experience and Attentiveness.

The younger one is always watching what the older one(s) experiences. Always. Whether either are aware of this or not. The younger will take note of the flaws and successes of as many of those experiences as possible and take from it what they choose. Next to those, the younger creates their own experiences and learns from those as well. The older does not watch as closely for both flaws and successes, They usually narrow down on the flaws and scrutinize and gloat about those. Because of this, They only take half as much information from the events and, therefore, only understand half as much.

I’ve always been told to Learn from Those that came before me and Their mistakes. I’ve done that. I realize that They’re not the only ones I have to watch. Those that come after me learn from my mistakes and from their own.

Can anyone understand why I believe those that come after would be much closer to getting things right?